The Copper..No Chance

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:35 pm

Today I woke up at 8am and wanted, needed a drink.
I grabbed my bedside bottle of Bells Whisky and took a deep draught of it, lovely.
I showered, dressed in my usual business suit, trilby hat, crocodile shoes and cravat and went outside.
The streets of East London today were mean, 50 yards from where I stood I saw 2 geezers having a fight. A little to my left a young girl was puffing on a Benson, then swigging from a bottle of cider.
I felt jumpy, as if I needed a fight to calm down.
I walked over to the Pub, a few whiskies would calm me, surely they would.
An hour later I walked out of the pub, I`d had 30 double whiskies, still I wanted that fight.
I wanted to fight a copper, I hate coppers.
I got the Porsche out from the garage, and set off in the direction of Hackney. A bloke called Kev the Crusher lives there, he owes me £40K, I could pick it up after the fight.
Driving into Hackney I saw a copper up ahead, he was walking along the pavement.
I drove by him, then swerved onto the pavement so my car blocked his path.
I jumped out just as he was about to call on his radio for back up.
I grabbed his radio and crushed it underneath my crocodile shoes.
"You, copper, I`m going to kick you and beat you now pal" I said
He looked scared, then pulled out his truncheon and said "I dont think so mate, I`m armed with this stick, 3 feet long, and I`m gonna get you"
As he swung at my head I leaned back, and grabbed it out of his hands with speed.
He looked frightened for his life now, just as I brought it down onto his head. His eyes glazed over, he staggered 5 yards then collapsed.
"You aint getting me laying there are you copper?" I roared, I kicked his head as I walked back to get in the Porsche.
A big crowd had gathered, but they daren`t do anything to stop me, they know a brute of a man when they see one, they know a fighter.
I drove on to Kevs house, picked up the money and went back to the pub.
I was calm now, and no longer needed a fight.
Just unlucky for coppers when I do...

parno4u · Post by **parno4u** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:44 pm

wow, thats really something

Chad22342 · Post by **Chad22342** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:46 pm

Joe Beevers your my hero *Looks at in complete awe*

s.xkitten · Post by **s.xkitten** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:51 pm

you kicked a man when he was down...you are more of a fucking coward then i thought originally...

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:54 pm

He wasn`t no man. He was a copper.
Coppers are scared of me, I can fight them all

Fircoal · Post by **Fircoal** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:04 pm

JoeBeevers wrote:He wasn`t no man. He was a copper.
Coppers are scared of me, I can fight them all

that's even worse, moron.

parno4u · Post by **parno4u** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:07 pm

didn't he have a gun or something

s.xkitten · Post by **s.xkitten** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:16 pm

you are nothing but a weak coward, and you disgust me...

firth4eva · Post by **firth4eva** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:17 pm

s.xkitten wrote:you are nothing but a weak coward, and you disgust me...

the character he made up is a weak coward

Phobia · Post by **Phobia** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:19 pm

Please Joe, your ego is blocking out the sun...

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:22 pm

I ain`t no coward, I challenge anyone here for a fight over this charge.
A coward doesn`t go looking for a fight with a Copper, the Copper could have all his mates round the corner, I`d beat them up too.
No-one can lay a finger on me, I`m Joe Beevers

s.xkitten · Post by **s.xkitten** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:23 pm

i would take you on any day...

firth4eva · Post by **firth4eva** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:24 pm

A kick in the balls and your down joe

Norse · Post by **Norse** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:28 pm

Well played Joe. Maybe in your next episode you become a part of the homo-erotic scene in east london. Plus, you havent been very sexist in your last few scenes....tut tut

firth4eva · Post by **firth4eva** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:35 pm

maybe you should post these in flame wars in future Joseph

Minister Masket · Post by **Minister Masket** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:35 pm

Joe Beevers: "My ego, will blot out the sun!"

The rest of us: "Then we will fight in the shade."

cena-rules · Post by **cena-rules** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:41 pm

JoeBeevers wrote:I ain`t no coward, I challenge anyone here for a fight over this charge.
A coward doesn`t go looking for a fight with a Copper, the Copper could have all his mates round the corner, I`d beat them up too.
No-one can lay a finger on me, I`m Joe Beevers

ill see if I can find 30 seconds somewhere to take you out

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:14 pm

Someone knocked on the door 20 minutes ago.
I answered it, a girl stood there, she was around 20 years old, large thrups, long legs and she was smiling.
"Yeah?" I said
"Are you the poker player Joe Beevers?" she asked
"I am, I`m Joe Beevers" I said
"I love you Joe, I saw you on TV last night playing in Vegas, I thought you were so handsome, and now you`re here in front of me, I think you`re scrummy" she smiled at me then in the way girls do when they`re up for a bit.
"Her indoors is here love, come back at Midnight, I`ll send her across London on an errand" I said
"Ok Joe, see you at 12" she blew me a kiss and walked off.
So, I`m gonna send her indoors over to Wimbledon, I know a curry house there, I`ll tell her I`m hungry and she`ll have to go get me a big curry....

firth4eva · Post by **firth4eva** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:16 pm

About 2 minutes ago I walked up to JoeBeevers and kicked him in the balls. He is still lying there squealing like a little girl.

cena-rules · Post by **cena-rules** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:16 pm

JoeBeevers wrote:Someone knocked on the door 20 minutes ago.
I answered it, a girl stood there, she was around 20 years old, large thrups, long legs and she was smiling.
"Yeah?" I said
"Are you the poker player Joe Beevers?" she asked
"I am, I`m Joe Beevers" I said
"I love you Joe, I saw you on TV last night playing in Vegas, I thought you were so handsome, and now you`re here in front of me, I think you`re scrummy" she smiled at me then in the way girls do when they`re up for a bit.
"Her indoors is here love, come back at Midnight, I`ll send her across London on an errand" I said
"Ok Joe, see you at 12" she blew me a kiss and walked off.
So, I`m gonna send her indoors over to Wimbledon, I know a curry house there, I`ll tell her I`m hungry and she`ll have to go get me a big curry....

coughmanindragcough

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:18 pm

She was a right stunner, I might take her as a bit on the side.
She can ride with me in the Porsche while I go around London directing my Goons..

Shadowstar · Post by **Shadowstar** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:18 pm

You sure it's a girl?

firth4eva · Post by **firth4eva** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:19 pm

JoeBeevers wrote:She was a right stunner, I might take her as a bit on the side.
She can ride with me in the Porsche while I go around London directing my Goons..

you go on about your Porsche a lot but you still prefer Feraris

Fircoal · Post by **Fircoal** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:20 pm

Shadowstar wrote:You sure it's a girl?

I don't think he cares.

willis · Post by **willis** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:21 pm

So what kind of porsche do you have Joe?