The Story of the Great and Sneezy Hippo (adaptation)One day the world ended. No one really knew how, until they saw a large hippopotamus flying through the universe, coughing and sneezing miserably. The hippo had lived inside earth ever since it was created, perfectly content to snuggle up inside the hottest bit. Millions upon millions of years passed and the hippo was happier then it had ever been, feasting on magma and listening to the humans up above. It had never been fond of dinosaurs and found humans to be quite entertaining.
It listened to them in the dark ages, the light ages, the black light ages, when suddenly he couldn’t hear very well anymore. The center of the earth had grown cold, and the hippo had come down with the flu. Presently the hippo couldn’t hear a damn thing, his ears were so stuffed up. His eyes were runny, his coughs were low rumbles that shook the earth, and he had to sneeze.
A sneeze is a simple thing, unless it belongs to The Great Hippo Who Lives In the Center of the Earth. A sneeze belonging to such a hippo is a terrible thing indeed, and the hippo knew this. He tried his best to hold it in, and he succeeded for many more years. But, in the Year of Far Future (People had lost track of the date, sadly) a magma flea landed on the hippo’s nose. Well that did it, and the hippo could hold back no longer.
“Ahhh, ahhh, ahhhhhh CHOOOOOOO!”
And so the world was ended. Large chunks went spinning off into the blue. (Or black, or dotted, or striped, or whatever the hell you want to say it is).
The earth was ripped into tiny pieces from within, and the Poor Mighty Hippo With the Flu went flying through the universe.
The only survivors of earth were:
1. A monkey. This monkey was a strange monkey who just happened to have no need for food, sleep or air. This monkey was born to drift through the universe, and so he did.
2. A purple spotted yeti_c. What is a yeti_c? How did the yeti_c survive? Why don’t you ask him? It’s likely that he lives in your nose, being a nose dwelling yeti_c.
3. The inhabitants of an experimental Foundry, a flying, space exploring, nearly self sustaining, 800 km high by 840 km wide by... by an as-of-yet-undertermined number of kilometers deep Borg Cube. What are the odds?
Exactly 198756432.321 to 9.
4. And the hippo.
The monkey is God knows where, (God being a woman once, before he got the change) the yeti_c is munching on a small purple moon, and the People of the Foundry are exploring the universe in search of a new home to conquer, telling everyone they encounter:
"We are the Foundry. Lower your quills and surrender your maps. We will add your artistic and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your skills will adapt to service US. Resistance is futile. You SHALL be assimilated."The End, or, ACHOO.
