Best Joke Teller on CC?

[muy_thaiguy]

Damn, that ruins the whole joke if I can't remember what it's called. I'll get back you on that.

Hahahaha! I remember that one, but I'm not falling for it.

Learned that one in Junior High.

[Androidz]

This one make me laugh:

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" The blonde replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, 'You've got mail!'"

[gdeangel]

Three hookers were in a bar bragging about who had the biggest Vagina. The first one says: "Talk is cheap... I'll prove I've got the biggest twat," and puts down her beer on the bar, straddles is, and proceeds to lower herself onto it, pauses, and then stands up and the beer is empty. The second one says, "That's nothing, I can outdo you," and she puts three beers on the bar, straddles them, and proceeds to lower herself onto them, puases, and stands up and all three beers are empty.

The third hooker doesn't say anything.... she just slides down the bar stool.

[muy_thaiguy]

Three hookers were in a bar bragging about who had the biggest Vagina. The first one says: "Talk is cheap... I'll prove I've got the biggest twat," and puts down her beer on the bar, straddles is, and proceeds to lower herself onto it, pauses, and then stands up and the beer is empty. The second one says, "That's nothing, I can outdo you," and she puts three beers on the bar, straddles them, and proceeds to lower herself onto them, puases, and stands up and all three beers are empty.

The third hooker doesn't say anything.... she just slides down the bar stool.

[KiwiTaker]

What do you call a shaved hippie in a uniform?

Drafted.

[fireedud]

A couple are sitting around their appartment very bored and they want to try something new.

The guy says, "How about I stick various items up your pooper and you guess what they are?"

She willingly agrees.

He leaves the room and comes back with a baseball bat.

He sticks it up her butt and then asks her to guess what it is.

She replies, "It's long and slim and gets bigger the further it goes in. It's a baseball bat."

He says, "Wow, that's impressive."

Determined to really stump her, he goes for a water melon.

He comes back and sticks it up her butt and says guess what this is with a big smile of confidence.

She replies, "It's very wide and squashy and has an uneven shape about it. It's a water melon."

He is amazed and tells her she's right yet again.

Determined more then ever, he goes into the bathroom and grabs the thing that clears the toilette when it overflows.


Damn, that ruins the whole joke if I can't remember what it's called. I'll get back you on that.

I don't get it... or that whole falling for it part earlier.

[apey]

My blonde friend just txt me and asked me what IDK stands for. So I told her I don't know. she said OMG nobody does

[edsdad]

What's red and green and travels at mach 1.


A frog in a blender.

[DaGip]

Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree?

[Incandenza]

So the Seven Dwarves go to the Vatican and get an audience with the Pope. As the other six dwarves look on, Dopey approaches the Pope and asks, "Your Holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"

To which the Pope replied, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican."

Behind Dopey, the other dwarves start to laugh. Dopey asks, "Your Holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?"

The Pope replies, "No, Dopey, there aren't any dwarf nuns in Italy."

The other dwarves are really laughing now. Dopey asks, "But, Your Holiness, surely there's a dwarf nun somewhere in Italy?"

The Pope, somewhat annoyed at this point, replies, "No, Dopey, there is not one single solitary dwarf nun in all of Europe."

The other dwarves are dying of laughter, rolling on the ground, holding their sides, etc. Dopey, desperate now, asks, "Your Holiness, please, please tell me, somewhere on earth, there's a dwarf nun!"

"God damn it, Dopey, there isn't one dwarf nun in the whole world!"

At which point the other six dwarves leap to their feet and chant "Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!"

[jonesthecurl]

Mickey Mouse sues for divorce.
The judge says, "I don't think you can divorce her just because she's got buck teeth."
Mickey says "That's not what I meant when I said she was fuckin' Goofy.

[gdeangel]

Mickey Mouse sues for divorce.
The judge says, "I don't think you can divorce her just because she's got buck teeth."
Mickey says "That's not what I meant when I said she was fuckin' Goofy.

Q: Why did mickey mouse get shot?
A: Because Donald Ducked!

[muy_thaiguy]

A couple are sitting around their appartment very bored and they want to try something new.

The guy says, "How about I stick various items up your pooper and you guess what they are?"

She willingly agrees.

He leaves the room and comes back with a baseball bat.

He sticks it up her butt and then asks her to guess what it is.

She replies, "It's long and slim and gets bigger the further it goes in. It's a baseball bat."

He says, "Wow, that's impressive."

Determined to really stump her, he goes for a water melon.

He comes back and sticks it up her butt and says guess what this is with a big smile of confidence.

She replies, "It's very wide and squashy and has an uneven shape about it. It's a water melon."

He is amazed and tells her she's right yet again.

Determined more then ever, he goes into the bathroom and grabs the thing that clears the toilette when it overflows.


Damn, that ruins the whole joke if I can't remember what it's called. I'll get back you on that.

I don't get it... or that whole falling for it part earlier.

He needs to know the last thing he dewcribed in order to finish the joke.

[Fircoal]

A couple are sitting around their appartment very bored and they want to try something new.

The guy says, "How about I stick various items up your pooper and you guess what they are?"

She willingly agrees.

He leaves the room and comes back with a baseball bat.

He sticks it up her butt and then asks her to guess what it is.

She replies, "It's long and slim and gets bigger the further it goes in. It's a baseball bat."

He says, "Wow, that's impressive."

Determined to really stump her, he goes for a water melon.

He comes back and sticks it up her butt and says guess what this is with a big smile of confidence.

She replies, "It's very wide and squashy and has an uneven shape about it. It's a water melon."

He is amazed and tells her she's right yet again.

Determined more then ever, he goes into the bathroom and grabs the thing that clears the toilette when it overflows.


Damn, that ruins the whole joke if I can't remember what it's called. I'll get back you on that.

I don't get it... or that whole falling for it part earlier.

He needs to know the last thing he dewcribed in order to finish the joke.

I still don't get it. >_>

[frood]

So this guy is having some medical problems and goes to see the doctor. After the examination the doctor gives him the pills and says to take one pill each day for a week and that they should be taken rectally. So the guy takes the pills and goes home.

A week later he reports back to the doctor and his condition has not shown any improvement.
The doctor asks,

"Have you been taking the pills everyday as instructed"

the man replies,

"what do you think I've been doing with them? shoving them up my ass?"

[chu816]

Where does Dracula make his withdrawals?

Answer: At the blood bank

Lawl

[gdeangel]

Why did the vampire hunter bring a pork chop with him on his hunt one night?

With all the food price inflation, he couldn't afford a steak!

[The Saxby]

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?

It's rated PG-13.




Wait...
















Dammit.

[gdeangel]

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?

It's rated PG-13.

Wait...

Dammit.

Not ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRH?

You just didn't see that one 'cause no one under 17 is admitted without a parent....

[The Saxby]

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?

It's rated PG-13.

Wait...

Dammit.

Not ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRH?

You just didn't see that one 'cause no one under 17 is admitted without a parent....

It seems that you've missed the entire point of the joke.

♪You missed the point/Yes you missed the point/Dadadadadada/You missed the point. YEAH!♪

[fireedud]

A couple are sitting around their appartment very bored and they want to try something new.

The guy says, "How about I stick various items up your pooper and you guess what they are?"

She willingly agrees.

He leaves the room and comes back with a baseball bat.

He sticks it up her butt and then asks her to guess what it is.

She replies, "It's long and slim and gets bigger the further it goes in. It's a baseball bat."

He says, "Wow, that's impressive."

Determined to really stump her, he goes for a water melon.

He comes back and sticks it up her butt and says guess what this is with a big smile of confidence.

She replies, "It's very wide and squashy and has an uneven shape about it. It's a water melon."

He is amazed and tells her she's right yet again.

Determined more then ever, he goes into the bathroom and grabs the thing that clears the toilette when it overflows.


Damn, that ruins the whole joke if I can't remember what it's called. I'll get back you on that.

I don't get it... or that whole falling for it part earlier.

He needs to know the last thing he dewcribed in order to finish the joke.

I still don't get it. >_>

[frankiebee]

A couple are sitting around their appartment very bored and they want to try something new.

The guy says, "How about I stick various items up your pooper and you guess what they are?"

She willingly agrees.

He leaves the room and comes back with a baseball bat.

He sticks it up her butt and then asks her to guess what it is.

She replies, "It's long and slim and gets bigger the further it goes in. It's a baseball bat."

He says, "Wow, that's impressive."

Determined to really stump her, he goes for a water melon.

He comes back and sticks it up her butt and says guess what this is with a big smile of confidence.

She replies, "It's very wide and squashy and has an uneven shape about it. It's a water melon."

He is amazed and tells her she's right yet again.

Determined more then ever, he goes into the bathroom and grabs the thing that clears the toilette when it overflows.


Damn, that ruins the whole joke if I can't remember what it's called. I'll get back you on that.

I don't get it... or that whole falling for it part earlier.

He needs to know the last thing he dewcribed in order to finish the joke.

I still don't get it. >_>

It's not that hard to understand
Just tell him what's the name of that object, cause I don't know the english word either since Im a Dutcie

[Minister Masket]

How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope....

Oooooooh, thats not quite appropriate......

[jnd94]

a moth flies into a dentist office and says to the dentist....i think im a moth.
the dentist replies if you think your a moth why are you in a dentists office....
crap i forgot the punch line
and the moth then goes....ah im just curious are you in to like orthodontics's or just general dentistry....
oh and back to your original question about to why are u in a dentist's office if you think your a moth its because the light was on!!
its a joke james...jokes are funny...anyway what seams to be the problem apart from your funny bone being broken!!

and..

whats the difference between a baby and a freezer...
answer is disgusting...
the freezer doesnt scream when i put my meat into it

and...
Why did the koala fall out of the tree....
cause some one threw a fridge at it...
why did the second koala fall out of the tree....
it was tied to the first koala...
why did the third koala fall out of the tree....
peer pressure


and
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor....
wheres my tractor?


and....
another joke...WICKED!!

thats about it

Ah, Scrubs is the greatest

[The1exile]

It's not that hard to understand
Just tell him what's the name of that object, cause I don't know the english word either since Im a Dutcie

Plunger?