Recently some pretty heavy allegations have been raised against our friend, King_Herpes. If you haven't yet clicked here you will probably be as appalled as I was when I first bared it. Such crass language I don't even know that the accused is capable of imagining such off-color remarks.
You guys, first off King hasn't been present for weeks. Darnell and I have been switch-hitting this ride ever since he tossed us the keys. D was supposed to sit for him the month's of February and March. Trouble is, Darnell likes to run with the dreads constantly caught up with his streets internal funks. That and he's about as sexually flexible as KoolBak in a, "Post a picture of yourself!" thread ;o) so it's not exactly easy to keep him focused. First he found KH's roach jar, got super stoned all month, missed an asston of turns and textually assaulted many opponents in numerous game chats while dribbling out a number of shitposts that I don't think King will be too happy about upon his return. Most notably his high score boasting thread, you guys remember that? Ugh, how tacky and totally not King's style btw he's much more humble, oh then that josko.ri guy totally bit the bait and started blowing his horn lol. Who does that, what a cheeseball. Anyways, Darnell, he'll be the first to admit that he's lazy, he always says it's just hereditary when we call him out on it. Whatever that means?
If it's any consolation, we apologize on behalf of Darnell. He's currently in lock-up so he won't be bothering anybody until at least after King's returns. Now before you guys misread any further into this, here are some things you probably never knew about my friend and mentor, King_Herpes:
That man saved my life and helped open my heart to self love. Before him I was just some dyke ass hoe with nowhere to go. At the time I went by the name of Chris(my government name) and my sex life was much like a bizarre H.P. Lovecraft tribute. Men just used me and often violently so. That all changed the day I met KH. I was dazing out staring at a lightbulb imagining how cool it would be if Emperor Penguins could fly and how different the world would be and if they would still bang each other in the snow when all of the sudden there was this great barrel chested man standing before me, his hands, they were so strong and his voice was that of a jazz master. He smelled of rich Belgian Chocolates. Mmm-mmm I can smell him now. Naturally I did make a pass, although he didn't want me like the scores of other men I've seduced with my effeminate wrists and immaculate collar bone. Now at first that perturbed me but what I came to understand about Herpes is that he wants others to achieve the same levels of success that he has obtained. He's not interested in dealings of the ego.
That man offered me a job. One day while I was crying in group, he looked me dead in my eyes like nobody ever had and said to me, "I don't care if you're struggling out here with what to do about your genitalia, honestly I just want to know if you can put together a decent burger"? Here I was worried about why Gary didn't accept me for wearing women's leggings and then KH busts out, basically says he gives no fucks and offers to pay me while wearing them. Cha-Ching!
That man was there for me when my parents weren't. I grew up fast, admiring older cousins that were hot-wiring, stealing SUV's and doing donuts in front of police stations. I didn't care about shit and if you had a lesson you were wanting to teach me I'd act like I didn't hear you or straight look right through your ass. Not KH however, I respected that man. He was cool with all walks. An x-drug dealer turned youth activist dedicating his life to working with the children. Making sure there was right out wherever there was wrong, building up the orphans and foster kids from the group home. A positive influence on the streets, involved with the local athletes and their teachers. Teaching us to set good guy goals or "GGG's" as he liked to call them always promoting unity over separation. He even helped to send a couple kids off to law school and had the privilege of seeing a few make it to the pro's.
I think it's worth mentioning that there's two things KH always said he never enjoyed watching, that was I think sausage being made and CC legislation being carried out. Now I can see why...
-Trish the Dish xoxo
