Conquer Club

I started listening to a soundtrack I had while in bed, but got bored of listening to the music with nothing for it to go along with. To solve this, I started to think up a story to synchronize with the music. I finished the soundtrack and liked the story, so I listened to the entire soundtrack again and again until I finally got a plot and good characters into it.

I told the story to my sister, and she said there were too many battle scenes in it, so I decided I would write a screenplay, with more conversation, exposition, and mood to make it more of a movie screenplay, rather than a story with pages of paragraphs describing the character's life beforehand, and explaining what the character might think about at any point in time.

When I started to write it I wondered who I would cast for the characters if it were a film. Before I thought of writing it I already had in mind that the main characters would be Brendan Fraser and Tom Cruise. The other characters I thought up during the writing process, with people such as Val Kilmer to play the "Lieutenant," who I kept mentioning more and more in the story that I finally decided to add him in as a promenent character. I cast Keira Knightley as the wife of Tom Cruise, and Antonio Banderas as the villain, but they were more of side characters rather than main parts of the cast.

I thought of what the title would be called, which turned out to be simple. I called my story, "The Wolf." The plot outline is extremely easy to understand. King Darus (Tom Cruise) is betrayed by his chief general (Antonio Banderas) and wife (Keira Knightley). He is turned into a wolf and banished from the castle, but after a short while, meets with Hestram (Brendan Fraser), a king and general of his kingdom, who was already in the process of conquering Darus' kingdom. Darus befriends him and Hestram's campaign then turns into an attempt for Darus to regain his kingdom and take revenge against his chief general. The Val Kilmer character is not part of the plot, but rather an add-on to the story to keep it going. He is constantly appearing in the story.

While writing, I tried to give Brendan Fraser's character a very big resemblance to Rick O'Connel from "The Mummy" (which is the soundtrack I used to think up the story). Everyone else's character is pretty original. I also tried adding as much comedy into it as I could, but at the same time, tried to keep the mood of the movie as a whole in a serious perspective (like in "The Mummy"). After all it is a military campaign movie, which is big reason why I'm posting the story here.

The only drawback to this written story is the spoofs. Every 5 minutes you're likely to read a line or action similar to another movie. I often went back to a few places and changed the line to hide the fact that it resembles something else. There are spoofs from "Braveheart," "The Three Musketeers," "The Mummy," "The Patriot," "Pirates of the Caribbean," "Sparticus," "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "The Chronicles of Narnia," and many other movies. Other than that, the story is original.

The lines for the characters are too corny at the beginning, but gets a bit better into the screenplay. The only remedy for these corny lines is that you imagine them being said if they were in a movie set in ancient times. I thought that and decided not to change the lines, since they're perfect for that era.

Later, while into the middle of writing, I thought about making a title page, like a movie box. It doesn't look very professional at all, but it's what I had in mind. You'll notice all the outfits of the characters, except Knightley's, are from the movie "The Last Samurai." This is extremely noticable with Tom Cruise, since his image came right off the box. It was originally much much bigger but I had to size it down because of the limits this page takes. It might take up too much space if it were the actual size. You'll also notice the Val Kilmer character in my signature.

I'll start this topic by posting a little of the story at a time, and let comments be made in-between so I'll know someone's reading. I'll stop at exciting or interesting points. Originally, the screenplay had points where it says "Music starts" or "Music changes" where the soundtrack went with the story. I have removed these for posting the story here.

Here goes...

Screenplay for "The Wolf"

Location: Wherever

Time: Ancient

Characters:

Darus, and the wolf, voiced by and played by Tom Cruise; Tom cruise, when human, has a goatee and long hair; when a wolf, he is black, white, and has a few dark-brown patches

Hestram, played by Brendan Fraser; has a mustache, goatee, and long hair

Pytor, played by Antonio Banderas; has long hair

Eve, played by Keira Knightley; has very long hair

Lieutenant (a.k.a Lieutenant Ecglaf), played by Val Kilmer; has a goatee and long hair

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shows a guard line in a hallway bowing to a man walking past them

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: The Castle of Fahalas, home of King Darus.

Cut to film Darus (Tom Cruise) is the one walking through the hallway looking straight ahead; beautiful hallway

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: Husband to his Queen, Eve.

Cut to Eve (Keira Knightley) coming out of a room with ancient-looking dress and soft blue robe over

Two guards nearby take glances at her; Eve smiles to herself at this

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: Eve was the most beautiful of all women in the kingdom. Darus loved her so.

Eve goes into room with stone bathing pool, benches, plants, etc. with roof overhead

Enter a man (Antonio Banderas)

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: But she betrayed her King...

Pytor walks closer to Eve

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: ...for the love of Darus' Chief General, Pytor.

Pytor and Eve kiss

...

Cut to Darus opening double-doors leading to short hallway which leads to room where Eve and Pytor are

Darus: Guards? What's going on; why are so many here?

Darus is coming toward an alternate door of the room Eve and Pytor are in; he notices the door at the end of the hallway is slightly open and walks slower with a confused expression...

Darus is about to push door open more; Pytor suddenly opens the door

Darus looks more confused

Darus: Pytor?

Instantly, Darus is punched again and again by Pytor until he hits ground

Darus, out of breath, calls the guards nearby

Darus: Guards! Guards! Come gu---

Darus stops calling and looks at guards, but they remain still

Darus: Guards! Guards, seize him! Did you look... take him!!!

Guards remain still and look menacingly at Darus

Darus: Gua...Guards...Why---

Pytor interrupts

Pytor: Because they heed me and only me! You are no longer the commander, old friend.... Take him below!

Darus glances and guards and tries to escape, but fails

Darus: Guards no! NO!!!

Darus is taken down the dripping hallway of the dungeon; soft screams are heard in the background; he is thrown into a dark cell with straw on a cold, stone ground

Darus screams angrily; he looks around, hardly scared but still worried

Darus gathers a pile a straw and lays on it, his eyes wide and wondering

Darus closes his eyes and sleeps

Camera cuts to show Darus opening his eyes suddenly, and looking up to the small barred window above, showing he'd slept the entire next day and it was now night

Darus is surprised with a kick in the side by a guard; he's taken to a large door he hasn't seen in his own castle before by three guards

Darus: What is this place?! Why haven't you told me of this?

Darus is knocked hard over the head by one of the guards

Guard #2: Silence!

Door is opened, revealing a large, dark, bluish-red room; he is thrown in; guards leave, locking the door

Darus looks around furiously and sees a dark figure about 6 feet away

Darus: Show yourself!

No answer

Darus: I command you to show yourself now!!

Dark figure moves into a lighter area and reveals herself to be Eve; she wears a black robe with a white crown

Darus: Eve! .... What crown is this you wear?! Speak!

Eve: I don't speak to the dirt.

Darus gets an insanely angry look

Darus: You forget I am the king? You owe me an explanation--

Eve: Ever since you married me I cared nothing for you at all. You're not my king, or my husband!

Eve pauses and walks a bit...

Eve: Therefore I've decided to find another: Pytor.

Darus: What have I done to deserve such hatred?!

Eve: You failed my love for you, Darus. It's not you, it's your kingship. You rule like a coward! Pytor commands like a lion. I've made something for you to drink, to rid myself of something as cowardly as you--

Eve reveals a cup of liquid she had behind her back; camera closes in on it and goes back to Darus

Darus: HOW DARE you defy me!!

Eve: You shall drink this or die on the spot! There are archers all around us and I have but to give the word.

Darus: You snake!

Eve: Drink it, I beg you! I don't want my memory lost completely of someone such as a whining pig like yourself.

Darus looks at the cup of the liquid and up at Eve with extreme anger, and then changing his expression to one with solemnity

Darus: I drink, only because you are my wife.

Darus drinks and camera slowly turns from him to the window showing the moon, with the sound of a wolf's howl and small growl

Scene turns to showing a wolf wandering through the wilderness of the night....

Scene turns to daytime at a village near the castle, and showing the wolf wandering just out of the view of the people

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: Yes, Darus was betrayed by Eve. She changed him into one of the most feared wolves of the land, knowing a feared wolf would be killed anywhere if seen.

Scene shows wolf sneaking on a ship; ship casts off and sails while Val Kilmer narrates

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: Darus wished to move as far away from his castle as possible, so that he may try to hide his memory of his cruel wife.

Scene cuts to Darus sneaking off the ship when it docks, unseen

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: Darus was lost to the world.

Scene shows Darus wandering into a desert

Voiceover of Val Kilmer: He wished to die.

Cut to him wandering into the desert, but noticing a tent in the distance

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that was it. I also thought up a sequal which I'm planning on writing soon. I already have the title page for the sequal ready (which looks MUCH better, and includes the Lieutenant character again, which is the same image I use as my avatar.

I will update the story only when I get any positive comments which will indicate someone is reading and wants to get the rest.

--Truman

Come on; is it that bad?

Its to long, give a short description

It's just really long. People don't read very long posts.

I guess I've been spending too much time at anotehr site I go to, where much longer posts than this one are common. Read the fourth paragraph to get the plot outline. Everything else just explains how I came up with the story, which you don't have to read.

--Truman

I like the all-star cast!

Should I continue the story or drop it? It doesn't look like too many care for it.

i liuke and all but its just to long, I had to copy it to a word file and print it so that It would be easier to read

Well I'll continue the story, then; for one person. .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 2:

Cutting to a slight aerial view of a small cavalry gathering at some ruins in desert

Shows foot soldiers running to positions behind ruins to shoot arrows

Shows a big army of cavalry and foot soldiers charging the ruins; camera changing shots between the charging enemies

Cuts to King and commander, Hestram (Brendan Fraser) on pure-black horse

Hestram: (squinting) Large forces.

Next to Hestram on Horseback: Yes?

Hestram: I've already seen large forces.

Cuts to showing the charging army

Next to Hestram on Horseback: This will be a remembered battle, will it not?

Hestram: You say that every time we fight, what's different about this battle?

Man next to Hestram looks at him

Next to Hestram on Horseback: We're trying to overthrow a kingdom; every battle counts!

Cuts again to charging army

Archers on horseback in the charge begin to shoot arrows, killing a few of Hestram's men

Cut to Hestram, startled from the arrows

Hestram: Archers! Fire at will!

Soldiers at every 20 feet shout out the order and then fire

Cut back to Hestram

Hestram: Get ready to charge!....

Cut to army and back to Hestram

Hestram: Steady!....

Cut to army and back to Hestram

Next to Hestram on Horseback: Commander we should--

Hestram interrupts

Hestram: Wait for it!...

Cut to army and back to Hestram; Hestram draws his slightly curved sword

Hestram: Charge!!!

Camera shows short aerial view of Hestram's charge

Cut to Hestram charging angrily, then changing shots between soldiers of each army with fierce faces

Both armies clash

Hestram slashes a mounted enemy, causing him to fall into a foot soldier behind him

Hestram jumps off his horse and picks up a handful of sand and throws it in an enemy's face, then plunges his sword clean through him, which the camera shows from side angle

Hestram takes that man's sword and blocks two enemy attempts to slash at him from both of his sides with his sword, then bangs his sword against an enemy's head on his right, then turning and fighting the other, dropping the extra sword and tricking the enemy with his sword by moving his sword left and ducking when the other tries to get him from that side

Hestram then unknowingly hits another enemy at his back on the head with the intent of hitting the other enemy he fights, then hits his main enemy with his blade hitting the other's back, killing him

Hestram kicks another enemy to the ground, slashes him, and instantly turns to block another attempted blow; he then forces his sword against the enemy's, dropping it out of his hand; the enemy looks briefly at him with fright and turns to run, and then Hestram throws his sword at him, which hits him straight in the back, killing him

Hestram runs fast to get his sword, ducking under another one-on-one fight in the process

Hestram seizes his sword, parries another attempted blow, and slashes the other's chest

Cuts to showing Hestram fighting 2 feet under the camera, and camera slowly moves out from the battle, showing the mass of the two fighting armies

Camera then changes slowly from the fighting armies to Hestram talking with a lieutenant (Val Kilmer) in a tent

Hestram: (leans back in chair) Another victory against Darus. What's the count?

Lieutenant: From 14,000 we have 3,445 dead, 600 wounded, and 78 missing.

....

Hestram: (slowly leaning forward) I've heard rumor....Darus is betrayed?

Lieutenant: If he is then we'll have a better chance at taking his kingdom.

Hestram: I'm not worried about that, that's sure to happen....It's this Darus I wonder about.

Lieutenant: Well stop wondering. We've got plans to make for the next army we encounter. There's a ship waiting for us at the nearest port to sail to the battle ground. This is a small desert...

Hestram: (ignoring the lieutenant) Changed into a fierce wolf.....he could be my guard at night if I found him.

Lieutenant: (slightly laughs) What of them that are missing?

Hestram: Search out the missing and do what you've gotta do.

Lieutenant: I'll gather a search party.

Lieutenant gets up from chair and starts walking out

Hestram: (raised voice) They won't get far....before the desert will kill them.

Lieutenant: (opening the tent door) It's a small desert, commander.

Hestram gives a slight giggle and smiles to himself

Hestram sits smiling, then hears a bump in the corner of his tent

Hestram: Who's there, and please say your name before you enter.

No answer

Hestram: Did you hear what I said?

No answer

Hestram: Your name?

Hestram gets up after a few seconds and hears the bump from the corner again

Hestram: Who's there?

Hestram walk a little closer to the corner and is then pounced on hard by the wolf; snarling

Wolf bites Hestram's shoulder to which Hestram responds by screaming in pain

Guards come running in to see the wolf; guards pull snarling wolf off

Darus/Wolf: (murmurs) Did I have to do that?

Guards are about to slash the wolf

Hestram: (holds up his hand from the ground) STOP!!!!!

Hestram gets up off the ground with a grunt, holding his bleeding shoulder

Hestram: Hold!

Guards look at Hestram, then the wolf in confusion

Hestram: Say that again!

Guards: What?

Hestram: The wolf! The wolf talked!

Guard 1: (confused look and short pause) What?

Hestram: The wolf---It--It spoke something, I heard it! Talk!!

Hestram looks at the wolf; wolf stares blankly at him

Guard 2: Should we kill it, commander?

Hestram: No, wait! Wolf, I know you spoke...really softly, but I heard it. Please talk again! If you do, you have my protection.

Wolf stares at him hopefully

Darus/Wolf: All right--

Hestram immediately interrupts

Hestram: See!! It talks--IT TALKS!!

Darus/Wolf: Not it, if you wish to know my name...

Hestram: (ignoring the wolf) I haven't lost my mind. That wolf can talk!

Hestram paces around; guards watch him

Darus/Wolf: (growls for a short length) HESTRAM!

Hestram and the guards stop everything they're doing and look at the wolf in amazement

Hestram: How do you know my name?!

Darus/Wolf: You're trying to conquer my kingdom, aren't you?

Hestram: You!

Hestram pauses

Hestram: You're--you're--

Wolf interrupts

Darus/Wolf: Darus, your enemy. You heard the rumor, didn't you?

Hestram: Ye--yes...How--

Wolf interrupts

Darus/Wolf: Did I get here? I wandered onto one of your warships. I slowly made my way out here, to die, until I saw a tent...apparently your tent.

Hestram: (baffled expression) You wandered out here to die? You've come to the right place! (starts to turn around) Guards, take his head--

Wolf interrupts

Darus/Wolf: WAIT!

Hestram: You would like to keep your head?

Darus/Wolf: Yes, I like it where it is!

Hestram: (turns and bellows) Then change your plans about dying, and maybe you can keep it a while longer! Guards leave us.

Guard 1: But sir--

Hestram interrupts

Hestram: Now!

Guard 1: Yes commander.

Guards make their way out of the tent

Darus/Wolf: Why do you trust me?

Hestram: Why did you want to die?

Darus/Wolf: My wife is against me.

Hestram: Happens to everyone.

Darus/Wolf: No, I mean she's betrayed me!

Hestram: My wife's betrayed me a thousand times and I don't go out into the desert to die.

Darus/Wolf: NO! I mean she has thrown me out of the kingdom!

Hestram: There's....well no, that doesn't happen to everyone. Continue.

Darus/Wolf: (sighs) My wife gave me a strange drink and I changed into this wolf. She's betrayed me for my commander, Pytor, and behind my back, corrupted my guards, my armies, everything! I snuck onto one of your warships as I said, and then wandered out here. There's nothing left for me.....Unless, you could help me!

Hestram: Woah! Helping a wolf regain his throne, becoming your ally, and possibly killing your commander?

Wolf looks up hopefully at Hestram

Hestram: That'll help me and you! Plus, I get a little action with the commander, and you'd encourage it! That's the job for me. Where do we start?

Darus/Wolf: You agree! That's wonderful! Well, you can continue your campaign, since all my forces are against me. But take as many prisoners as possible. I'll try to gain back their loyalty.

Pauses

Darus/Wolf: This is perfect! I get betrayed, I wander out here where you happen to be, and you're trying to overthrow me! Perfect!

Hestram looks at wolf in a curious way

Hestram: Yes...quite. My force should be getting off to port pretty soon. Continue eating that bread. It's stale anyway.

Camera changes slowly from Hestram and wolf to the port with soldiers loading things on board

Hestram and wolf begin to walk together while talking, toward the commander ship, which carries Hestram

Hestram: I've informed my entire force that you are my guard, so no one will harm you. I also told them you could talk, so they won't be surprised.

Wolf is surprised for a second; then changes expression back to normal

Darus/Wolf: Where are we going?

Hestram: I told you before didn't I? We're going to another part of the mainland, most likely where you came from, since it holds your castle. We'll dock at the nearest available port, and travel by ground from there to the battleground. We'll then camp for the night, and I'll muster the army for battle in the morning.

Darus/Wolf: Will we win the battle?

Hestram: What kind of question is that? Do you expect me to know how it'll turn out? Of course we'll win!

Wolf looks at Hestram with confusion, then looks back at the ship

Hestram and wolf begin to board the ship by ramp

Darus/Wolf: Is this a safe ship? Aren't we to be careful about pirates? I know these waters...there are many pirates.

Hestram: I'll notify the night watch. Pirates you say?

Darus/Wolf: Yes.

Both stop and look up at the ship

Chubby soldier scoots through

Soldier: Comin' through!

Hestram: (chuckles) That would be the man at the helm. He isn't good for anything else but steering the ship.

Wolf giggles a bit and they continue to board the ship...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope someone is reading this, so I didn't post this part 2 for nothing.

--Truman

It'd be more attractive to read if you compiled it into a Word doc instead of posting it fully on the forum.

Other than that I really do like it. It's a cool concept.

That's a good idea...but can you show me how?

--Truman

i have read both parts now, it is interesting. I agree with the word doc thing too.

Yes, I agree too because I wrote it in word pad. But how do you actually do the word document compilation thing??

It has been a pretty long time now, and I still don't know how to post word document. Can someone tell me how???

Wow! When I first heard the plot I thought it was just some kind of joke but this isn't bad. Actually it's really interesting.

Well, I pmed Lack and he says it isn't possible to compile something into a word doc. Sooo....I'll still have to post it here. Sorry.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 3

Cut to filming a short way from Hestram's ship, then filming back to reveal the giant fleet

Cut to Hestram's small cabin

Hestram: (removing belt that holds sheath to his sword) Well it's off to sleep for me. You keep guarding.

Wolf sighs and grunts

Darus/Wolf: It seems it's safe, may I sleep as well?

Hestram: (has removed his belt and kicks his boots off) Hmm....Nonsense! You keep guarding. What good are you for if you sleep the whole night? Most guard dogs would fall asleep, but you're really a person who can understand my order. Now guard!

Wolf growls, then sits and watches the door

Camera slowly changes showing shots of the wolf changing his position over time

Wolf is about to close his eyes but then sees a black figure go across the small barred square at the top center of the door

Wolf gets up quickly

Cuts to the man at the helm, noticing two men in black run across the broad deck

Man at helm is then taken by surprise from behind with a knife suddenly at his throat

Man in black: Shh.

Camera close up of man in black who instantly cuts his throat and looks around

Cut back to the cabin

Hestram: (close up; opens one eye) Darus, are you guarding?

Darus/Wolf: Yes master. (growls)

Hestram: Anything unusual?

Darus/Wolf: I saw someone move outside the door from the opening.

Hestram: (begins to get out of bed slowly) What?

Darus/Wolf: Just out there a moment ago.

Hestram: Probably someone getting a drink. Don't get excited.

Darus/Wolf: Pirates. I just know it!

Hestram: Darus, pirates are the last thing that could be out ther--

Hestram is interrupted by a loud bump from the outside

Darus/Wolf: (looks around) What was that?

Hestram walks closer to the door and peeks out the opening for about 4 seconds and sees no one on deck

Hestram opens the door and sees nothing, so he walks around the cabin slowly

Hestram is shot at with an arrow and arrow misses; Hestram sees pirates coming onto the deck

Hestram: Pirates!!! Everyone on deck!!

Cuts to soldiers starting to wake up, confused

Hestram: PIRATES!!!

Cuts back to soldiers hearing that and starting to gear up

Hestram runs back to cabin and shuts door

Hestram: (has put boots back on and is putting his belt with sheath on) Pirates! Here's your chance to get a little action, Darus!

Darus/Wolf: Action?!

Hestram draws sword, opens the door, and yells as he strikes a pirate in front of the doorway

Darus bites a pirate next to the other one on the ankle; pirate yells in pain and Hestram stabs him through with sword

Cuts to soldiers getting out from below and charging the pirates while yelling

Hestram parries a blow aimed at him, then bangs his sword hard against the pirate's sword twice which forces it out of his hands, then stabs him

Hestram: Darus!

Wolf turns his head toward Hestram

Hestram: Fight near me always!

Wolf runs toward Hestram's back and bites a pirate about to strike him with a growl

Hestram spins around with confusion and stabs him through

Hestram turns around and runs into a crowd of pirates and stabs the first one he runs into, then parries another blow

Hestram: (from fighting the oncoming crowd of pirates) COME ON!! CHARGE!

Soldiers look at each other for a second and then charge while yelling

Hestram hits a pirate's neck with the side of his sword and pirate writhes in pain

Hestram: Darus!

Wolf comes running up to Hestram and Hestram grabs wolf around the belly and jumps off the ship grabbing onto a pole along the side and landing his feet on a ledge on the side, still holding on to the wolf

Darus/Wolf: What are you doing?!

Hestram: I'm going to throw you over at that pirate over there, and you bite him on the neck, understand?

Darus/Wolf: What if I don't make the jump?!

Hestram: You'll make it.

Hestram quickly makes his way across the ledge, holding himself on by the pole

Hestram: Ready?

Wolf nods once

Hestram: Jump!!

Hestram mightily hurls the wolf over the side with a big yell

Wolf growls loudly and grabs hold of the pirate's neck with his bite, and the pirate falls dead

Hestram leaps over the side and parries three attempted blows from a big pirate, then thrusts his sword at big pirate but misses; Hestram spins around from the force he put on his sword and accidentally strikes another pirate about to come at him

Big pirate laughs and is about to strike Hestram but stops dead and yells in pain, and looks down to see the wolf biting his thigh

Big pirate is about to chop wolf's head when Hestram seizes this chance and stabs the big pirate through the belly and turns around

Four pirates start making their way toward Hestram

Hestram responds by running at one pirate, parrying him twice, and turning to parry a blow directed at him from the right.

Hestram grabs the wolf under the belly and throws him up to the helm, then climbs the ladder to the helm himself

Pirates run for the ladder to get him but Hestram takes a crossbow out of his belt and shoots the first pirate in sight

Hestram, up at the helm, spies a longbow and a quiver laying in the corner, picks it up and shoots the four pirates, turns slightly to the left, and shoots three other pirates fighting the soldiers

A pirate down there is noticing this and starts to run to the other side of the ship, which Hestram follows with his bow and shoots him

Hestram: (drops longbow and motions his arms outward) Out of arrows!

Cuts to Hestram jumping down from the helm on the other side of the ship, which hardly has anyone; Hestram looks at a pirate who has just seen him shoot those other pirates

The pirate has a frightened look and steps back a few steps, to which Hestram threatens him and moves closer quickly; pirate yells and jumps over board

Hestram chuckles and looks quickly to his left and sees that the fight is moving to the other side of the ship where he is

Hestram runs toward his soldiers fighting the pirates, then pushes his way through and parries five times a pirate with a thin mustache, then strikes his arm, and slashes his chest

Hestram turns slightly to the right and parries a large blow to which he falls down to

Pirate is about to strike him but the wolf notices this and jumps from the helm (which is very close by) and snags his teeth on his hair which pulls the pirate down from striking Hestram

With the pirate down, the wolf growls and bites deep into his neck which kills the pirate

Darus/Wolf: I've never tasted a pirate.

Hestram looks down at him with disgust

Hestram: The ship's taken! We've gotta get out of here! The land isn't far.

Darus/Wolf: Do we just jump off?!

Hestram: That's right!

Hestram and the wolf look at the edge of the ship, and then run for it and leap off into the water

Hestram and the wolf swim for about 8 seconds and look back at the ship for a little, then continue to swim to land

Cut to the wolf and Hestram getting on land

Darus/Wolf: What're we gonna do? What are we gonna do?!!

Hestram: Shut up! Our ship was basically the caboose ship to the rest of the fleet.

Darus/Wolf: What's your point?

Hestram: Remember I told you how I'll notify the fleet for pirates?

Wolf nods once

Hestram: I told them that if our ship got taken, that they would not go back to save it.

Darus/Wolf: Why?!

Hestram: I told them I'd be safe, no matter what they thought, and that if just one ship goes back to try to regain it, I would order the entire army to half rations. I told them no matter what happened, I'd be safe.

Darus/Wolf: What a dumb command. How are we going to find the fleet again? We're lost!

Hestram: Not so. See that river over there? (points to a large rushing river in the distance behind them)

Wolf nods

Hestram: That river is a landmark to the location of our fleet's dock. I noticed it before I retired to my cabin. 9 miles along this shore, opposite from that river will we find the dock. We'll reach it by morning. Start walking.

Cut to them walking along the shore

Darus/Wolf: When you threw me up to the helm, later I noticed you pulling out a strange weapon. An arrow came out like lightning. What was that?

Hestram: I got that back in Chu.

Wolf has a confused expression for a second and then looks up at Hestram

Darus/Wolf: Chu?

Hestram: A kingdom in China. It's sort of a crossed bow for arrows by pulling a lever on the bottom. It's much more accurate than the longbow. I'd call it a crossbow. What do you think?

Darus/Wolf: Accurate, smaller, faster arrows...these people from "Chu" are fortunate.

...

Hestram: How long did I sleep until the pirates arrived?

Darus/Wolf: You mean how long did I stay awake for you? (growls)

Hestram: Yeah!

Darus/Wolf: It was midnight on the sundial when you laid down....About 9 decans.

Hestram: So that means we'll be at the port by sunrise.

Camera slowly changes to Hestram and the wolf walking

Hestram: The sunrise! Look!

Both look up but keep walking

Wolf stops looking at sunrise and looks ahead

Darus/Wolf: Look there!

Hestram looks ahead

Hestram: The ships have docked! Hurry, let's go! (starts to run)

Cuts to them running into the place where the ships dock and meeting up with Hestram's main lieutenant (from the other scene after the battle)

Lieutenant: Commander! You're alive!

Hestram nods out of breath from running

Lieutenant: We followed your orders not to take your ship back. We supposed you were dead!

Darus/Wolf: We aren't. Stop worrying.

Lieutenant: So it can talk! I assumed you were joking with us, Hestram.

Hestram: You shouldn't assume at all. My word is gospel; don't take it lightly.

Darus/Wolf: And I'm a he, not an "it."

Lieutenant: Yes commander. We've already begun unloading the ships. Three of the horse-bearing ships have been emptied; I don't know which ship held your horse, commander.

Hestram: My horse is alive? From the last battle, didn't he perish?

Lieutenant: I saw him loaded onto one of the ships. The black one with the red saddle?

Hestram: That's him.

Lieutenant: Then he's alive. Good to see you're alive as well.

Hestram: (shakes lieutenant's hand) It's good to see you too.

Camera slowly changes to Hestram riding his horse at the front of the entire army with the wolf strapped on the back of his horse

Camera slowly moves out from Hestram to show the whole army behind him

Camera shows the line of special weapons used for sieges, then cuts the archers, then to the cavalry, then back to Hestram

Camera slowly changes to them marching at night

Cuts to showing enemy spies in a mountain ridge spotting Hestram's army coming

Cuts to Hestram looking into the mountains suspiciously, then riding next to his lieutenant and nudging him

Hestram: Up there. (points to the mountains)

Lieutenant: Spies, you think?

Hestram: Yeah. Spies.

Darus/Wolf: Can you untie me from this horse? Please?!

Hestram: We camp here.

Cuts to soldiers making the tents for the night

Cuts to Hestram making his tent and then stopping and looking back up at the mountains

Shows Hestram from a long view looking up at the mountains

Cuts back to normal view of Hestram; Hestram stops looking at the mountains and continues his tent-making

Scene fades to black

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In case a few of the terms used bothered you, I have explainations.

You probably wondered, "What the heck is a 'decan'?" Well, a decan was like an hour back then. In ancient Egypt, 1300 B.C., the origin of hours was born, by dividing the days into decans, which made 36 decans in a day. Yeah, so they weren't real hours, but they were close to them. In other words, when Darus says, "About 9 decans" it means about 6 hours.

You also probably wondered why a person back then would use the term "miles." Well, the "mile" was originated by the Romans, which meant "One Thousand Paces," which is pretty reasonable to use. The English copied that term and it slowly came to mean 5,000 feet, and then 5,280 feet. So whenever the term "mile" is used in the story, it means about 1,000 paces. If I said 1 mile, it would mean about 1/5 of a mile. If I said 8 miles, it would mean about 1 and 3/5 of a mile. I'm sure you get the idea.

"Chu" is more properly referred to as the "Kingdom of Chu," that orginated with the crossbow in 500 B.C. At around 1 A.D. the crossbow had come to what we see in the movies set in ancient times, which is when this movie takes place.

I hope you guys like this part! I enjoy posting each part, even though it takes so long of a time to work out all of the little things in the typing of the story.

--Truman

Come on people. I want to keep this going. Any opinions on the story so far?

No opinions....so, should I just get on with the story?

I can't really form an opinion until I see the next part.

I like it.


I hadnt looked at this thread because I thought it would just be talking about that one scary movie. (I forget what it's called exactly but the word "wolf" is in it )

More people aren't reading it because of the lenghth of the posts but dont worry about it.


I just read all three parts and I am eagerly awaiting the fourth.


Keep it up

Ok then. Here's Part 4.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 4

Cuts to soldiers up in the morning, getting ready for battle

Cuts to lieutenant shouting orders

Cuts to Hestram getting ready in his tent with the wolf

Darus/Wolf: A request.

Hestram: Darus, stop asking me if you may ask a question. You're a king!

Darus/Wolf: I'm wondering if instead of terms, I present myself to them accompanied by you. I'll try to show them I'm the king, and get them to join our side against Pytor, the traitor.

Hestram: That's fine with me. More soldiers means more victories; not that we haven't had many victories...we've won every battl--

Wolf interrupts

Darus/Wolf: I'll be going out of the tent now.

Hestram: Go. Flee. Get ou--uoooout!

Hestram stumbles over a chair while trying to put his boots on

Hestram: Ow.

Cuts to the army lining up on the plain

Hestram holds his hand up which signals for the army to stop; army stops

Hestram: (to the wolf) Shall we?

Darus/Wolf: Yeah, but get me off this horse first!!

Hestram: All right, all right.

Hestram unties the wolf off the horse and lets him down

Darus/Wolf: Do you really have to do that?

Hestram: Safety first. You don't want to be trampled, do you?

Darus/Wolf: I can outrun every horse you see here. I'm enchanted, remember?

Hestram: Let's just get over to the enemy for terms.

Hestram on his horse and the wolf both run and meet the other commander on horseback

Commander: I don't wish to fight you. But you threaten the kingdom.

Hestram: It isn't me who you're negotiating with.

Hestram moves to the side on his horse to reveal the wolf behind him

Darus/Wolf: Major Hrethel! Good to see you.

Commander: It--it can--

Hestram interrupts

Hestram: Talk? Yeah, he's your king too.

Darus/Wolf: I'm getting tired of this "it" business. I AM NOT AN "IT!" I am your king, Darus, and I ask that you join us against Pytor. He's corrupted everything!

Commander: (looks at the wolf for 7 seconds) Darus?

Commander laughs for about 13 seconds; cuts to Hestram who starts to slightly giggle; wolf looks at him and he stops

Commander: (manages to stop his laughter) Darus, you are worth nothing to me! Why should I give in to your word? Pytor hasn't corrupted anything, but has improved it all! He just had to get rid of those insubordinate. (looks menacingly at the wolf)

Hestram: In that case--

Hestram turns his horse around, backs up to the commander, and suddenly starts galloping which causes a dirt cloud to come up in the commander's face; the wolf follows Hestram

Hestram and the wolf get back into the line; Hestram reaches down and scoops up the wolf, putting him on the horse's back and tying him on in about 2 seconds

Hestram: Safety.

Wolf growls

Hestram: (yells) Left flank cavalry!

Orders are repeated at every forty feet and left part of cavalry moves forward about 30 feet ahead of rest of cavalry

Darus/Wolf: What was that for?

Hestram: You haven't led any battles, have you?

Darus/Wolf: No.

Hestram: Thought so. (looks ahead)

Hestram draws his sword

Hestram: CHARGE!!!

Camera view from afar of the cavalry beginning to charge

Hestram forces his horse forward as the rest of the army charges with him; the wolf bouncing as the horse begins to gallop

Hestram: (yells) How you doin' back there?!

Darus/Wolf: Let me off!

Hestram: Safety!

Darus/Wolf: Let me off! I can outrun everything!

Hestram: Nothing can outrun this!

Darus/Wolf: How 'bout a magic talking wolf?!

Hestram: (looks back at the wolf) All right!

Hestram holds on to reigns with one hand and starts to untie the wolf with difficulty, taking about 4 seconds to try, gives up, gets his knife out and cuts the ropes

Hestram: One... two... three!!!

Hestram picks up the wolf under the belly and throws him up to the front; the wolf amazingly charges ahead of the cavalry

Camera cuts to Hestram looking amazed while riding

Cuts to the wolf's face, then cuts to 6 feet away from him running with ferocity, slowly moving out to reveal the entire army charging

Cuts to show the commander of the enemy's face looking at the wolf, then cutting to the wolf's face looking fierce, then cutting back to show the commander's terrified look

Cuts to showing the entire army charging, and you can clearly see the wolf in front

Picture fades into showing large lines of men walking with their hands behind their head through a camp of tents, camera moving and changing shots

Cuts to Hestram giving out commands to the guards, then cuts to the wolf standing by him, blood stained on his face

Hestram finishes his commands and starts walking toward his tent with the wolf beside him

Darus/Wolf: What's next?

Hestram: Fortresses to plunder, then your castle.

Darus/Wolf: And then, alignment?

Hestram: And that too, yeah.

Hestram: By the way, I'm surprised you haven't cleaned yourself, Darus.

Darus/Wolf: I may be a wolf, but I don't clean myself like one. Is there a river nearby I can wash in?

Hestram: (stops walking) The nearest one is the one we used as a landmark, back that way. (points forward) Forget it; you look more fearsome with that blood on your face. You aren't wounded are you?

Darus/Wolf: (looks at Hestram) Why do you think there's blood on my face?!

Hestram: (looks embarrassed, then answers after 5 seconds) Burying your face in another neck?

Darus/Wolf: (growls) I'm in pain, Hestram. Can you pour some water into a tub I can get into?

Hestram: Sure.

Cuts to Hestram pouring a load of water onto the wolf and into a tub in his tent

Darus/Wolf: Not that way!! (growls)

Cuts to a farther view away from them, when Hestram begins to scrub the wolf

Hestram: (after 4 seconds) I never thought,

Wolf shakes some of the soap off

Hestram: (continuing) That I'd ever wash a wolf while trying to conquer your kingdom.

Darus/Wolf: (spitting out water) It is strange how two events can coincide....And you aren't trying to conquer it, remember. Just getting rid of Pytor.

Hestram: Pity.

Cuts front of tent with Hestram walking out, arms sparkling from washing the wolf; camera follows him for 2 seconds

Cuts to front of tent with wolf walking out, sparkling clean, camera follows him for 2 seconds

Cuts to Hestram in a tent with his lieutenant

Hestram: For certain, we are going to sack at least 2 fortresses before the castle, right?

Lieutenant: At least 3, probably.

Hestram: Even better.

Hestram pauses

Hestram: Should we start with the nearest one?

Lieutenant: That would be Gildur.

Hestram: Who's it commanded by?

Lieutenant: (pauses for 3 seconds) Gildur.

Hestram and lieutenant look at each other for 2 seconds, then start laughing

Darus/Wolf: (from next to Hestram's seat) Are we going to talk plans here or what?

Hestram: (stops laughing) You're right, Darus. Lieutenant, that seems to be the place to attack first, although I've never heard of this "Gildur" before.

Lieutenant: No one has, commander. He conceals his identity with that of the fortress name.

Hestram: I can see that lieutenant.

Lieutenant: Yes...I've visited this fort previously, back when I was a colonel in Darus' hold.

Hestram: Yes, back before you became a traitor.

Darus/Wolf: What?! I don't remember you. What's your name?!

Hestram: I'll tell you later.

Darus/Wolf: I command--

Hestram interrupts

Hestram: Don't start with me, Darus. I'll tell you later!

Lieutenant looks at the wolf blankly

Lieutenant: Gildur...Lined to it are two other fortresses. Our spies reported no names; they've been abandoned for quite a while.

Hestram: We could search them out; look for things useful to us, like maps and such.

Darus/Wolf: When we get to my castle, there's a secret entrance on the lower right side of the castle. You'll notice there's a longbow leaning against it, partially hidden in the sand. That's a lever to open the passage.

Hestram: What's beyond that?

Darus/Wolf: I really don't know. I've never used it. Perhaps the weapons room; I'm not sure.

Lieutenant: Should we alert the army in the morning to ride for Gildur?

Hestram: You do that, lieutenant. Darus and I must get some rest.

Lieutenant: Yes commander.

Cuts to the wolf and Hestram walking to the tent

Darus/Wolf: I didn't know we were leaving tomorrow.

Hestram: Surprise, surprise.

Both enter the tent

Darus/Wolf: We should have alerted the guards.

Hestram: Why?

Cuts to two prisoners in a tent undoing their shackles with the guards asleep

Prisoner 1: (whispers) Let's go.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think that would be a pretty suitable place to stop, since the reader will be dying to know what happens next.

--Truman

How many parts do you have written at the moment?

I like it, could use a little more humor in places but really good nonetheless.

I'm already completely finished and done writing it (I like the ending I give ). I'm just putting it on here in parts so you'll be more excited each time I stop.

That makes sense