Conquer Club

Posted: **Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:14 am**

Ok, new game... here's how it works:

This is a game where all players are simulating what it would be like to post on the internet, at the end we'll tot up the scores and see who was the best.

Players play by posting the actions that they're taking, then wait for at least one other player to post before they are allowed to post another action. Each post should contain no more than ten actions.

Each player starts the game with the following equipment:

A computer (laptop or desktop)
An abundance of spare time on their hands
An internet connection that isn't fast enough
A website filled with similar individuals
An unlimited supply of caffeinated beverages

If there are any questions about the rules then PM me and I will make changes to the original post.

Now I will start the game:

Posted: **Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:15 am**

I log on to the internet

I go to Conquerclub

I post a thread about the merits of welfare with the sole intention of antagonising conservatives.

I pretend to do real work while waiting for somebody to respond with an angry and uninformed tirade about socialism.

Posted: **Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:21 am**

I turn on my PC
I open Firefox
I browse to CC
I read a thread on a game where you have to describe how you usually waste away your life on the internet
I repeatedly hit myself in the face with the keyboard

Posted: **Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:24 am**

I google hot anal hardcore.

I use 1x right hand to stimulate 1x man meat.

I gain 1x thug butter, 1x expended man meat, 1x tired right hand.

I use 1x tired right hand and 1x left hand to type conquerclub.com into the address bar.

I post in a thread about my earlier achievements.

I now have:
1x tired right hand
1x thug butter
1x expended man meat
1x sense of eternal satisfaction

Posted: **Fri Nov 14, 2008 10:11 am**

I log on to CC.

I go to flame wars forum.

I post something nice.

I go take a shit.

Posted: **Fri Nov 14, 2008 9:29 pm**

-Open IE (as comp is left on overnight)
-Open Favorites/Conquer Club
-Enter the Tournament Forum
-Post Updates to tournaments
-Search High Quality Porn
-Find nothing interesting
-Fall asleep

Posted: **Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:47 am**

Ok, Im back from taking that shit.

I go back on Conquer Club.

I look at all the stuff I don't remember posting when I was drunk.

I feel like I didnt wipe good enough.

I go back to the bathroom.

Posted: **Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:58 am**

I wake up - slept for 14 hours WTF
Go on the internet, read an e-resource about American Conservatism for 2 minutes

Then browse on CC

Level up! You have now reached level 45 procastination

Go to shops, pick up some fizzy drinks and lettuce
Cook some beef for a beef burger, gained 200 cooking experience points.
Go back on CC

Acheivements:

Wasted Day
Headache
Weight gain of half a pound

Posted: **Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:35 pm**

I turn on the computer.
I open Firefox
I go onto CC
I find this thread
I post on this thread
I realize how much of a waste of time that it was.
I break my computer with a mallet.
I go to the store.
I buy another computer
Repeat.

Posted: **Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:03 pm**

>[atiredgamer] enters [server=redbull]
>[atiredgamer] uses [item=computer]
>[atiredgamer] uses [function:computer=mozillafeirfox]
>[atiredgamer] fails
>[atiredgamer] receives [item=sysmessage]
>[atiredgamer] uses [item=sysmessage]
>[atiredgamer] learns [ability:passive=properspelling]
>[atiredgamer] uses [function:computer=mozilla fire fox]
>[atiredgamer] fails
>[atiredgamer] receives [item=sysmessage]
>[atiredgamer] uses [item=sysmessage]
To be continued...

Posted: **Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:14 pm**

1. Balance laptop on, well, my lap.
2. Open up Firefox.
3. Favorites--> Conquerclub
4. Post humorous account of woeful losing streak in College Hoops 2008/09 tournament
5. Wipe my ass.
6. Marvel at the sheer awesomeness of wi-fi connections.

I should probably wash my hands, too.

Posted: **Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:18 pm**

I drunkely stumble to my computer.

I check to see if I'm still logged on to CC.

I'm not, so I have to sign in again.

I look at weird threads, and then I see someone posted in this thread.

I post!

Posted: **Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:21 am**

i log on to the internet
i log onto msn
i have a stimulating chat with a chick called beth
i wipe my keyboard
i hear knock at door
i answer door
i tell the police i didnt realise my webcam was on
i come to cc to tell you about it

Posted: **Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:00 am**

I wake up, mid=day fucking huge hangover
I sit in my boxers and post on CC for a couple of hours

Posted: **Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:16 pm**

I wake up.

I turn to my laptop, which is open right beside me, and refresh the Conquer Club page.

I log in, because I had automatically signed out.

I refresh the same page mindlessly all day.

I see "The Posting on the Internet Game".

I read the post by DM.

I laugh.

I click on "New Post".

I type this into the little box that appears:

I wake up.

I turn to my laptop, which is open right beside me, and refresh the Conquer Club page.

I log in, because I had automatically signed out.

I refresh the same page mindlessly all day.

I see "The Posting on the Internet Game".

I read the post by DM.

I laugh.

I click on "New Post".

I type this into the little box that appears:

I wake up.

I turn to my laptop, which is open right beside me, and refresh the Conquer Club page.

I log in, because I had automatically signed out.

I refresh the same page mindlessly all day.

I see "The Posting on the Internet Game".

I read the post by DM.

I laugh.

I click on "New Post".

I type this into the little box that appears:

I wake up.

I turn to my laptop, which is open right beside me, and refresh the Conquer Club page.

I log in, because I had automatically signed out.

I refresh the same page mindlessly all day.

I see "The Posting on the Internet Game".

I read the post by DM.

I laugh.

I click on "New Post".

I type this into the little box that appears:

I wake up.

I turn to my laptop, which is open right beside me, and refresh the Conquer Club page.

I log in, because I had automatically signed out.

I refresh the same page mindlessly all day.

I see "The Posting on the Internet Game".

I read the post by DM.

I laugh.

I click on "New Post".

I type this into the little box that appears:

* Segmentation fault
* Universe exploded

Posted: **Fri Dec 30, 2011 2:43 am**

I log onto internet

I find old thread

I post

Posted: **Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:33 am**

I log onto internet.
I lurk for six months.
I post something pointless.
And unfunny.
I high-five myself (and thus solve the koan of "the sound of one hand clapping").

Posted: **Mon Oct 14, 2024 10:28 pm**

I break the seal on the ancient crypt portal. (I log onto the Conquer Club website).

I explore a new chamber within the vast, crumbling necropolis. (I click on a thread labelled 'The Posting on the Internet Game)

I decipher the arcane scribblings left by the primordial denizens that once dwelled here. (I read posts mady by drunk retrobates)

I learn arcane, anthropological facts of how they once lived (I start to shake my head sadly, ...and the then chuckle and smirk)

I marvel at the anthropological significance of these garbled texts. (I leave a record of this archeological venture for the benefit of future explorers.)

Conquer Club

The Posting on the Internet Game

The Posting on the Internet Game

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