Conquer Club

What are your favourite euphemisms or slang terms for the toilet and for toilet related activities?

Brad rhym.slang. A dump. "Back in 5, I'm off for a Brad."

alcopoop n. The loud, smelly, life affirming shit one has the morning after a heavy night on the razz.

approach Dresden v. To experience a strong feeling in the rear that one will soon be opening the bomb bay doors, in the style of a WW2 pilot flying a fully laden Avro Lancaster towards the popular RAF target city.

the first two inches are cold exclam. A cry to indicate the urgency with which one requires the lavatory.

turtle's head n. The initial protrusion of a stool from the ringpiece. Also touching cloth.

turtle's breath n. The very final warning fart before the turtle pokes its head out.

turtle recall v. The brief retraction of the turtle's head whilst en route to the khazi.

king for a day euph. To have a bad case of the Brads, ie. to spend all day on the throne.

like an otter off the bank sim Phrase used to describe a turd of particularly fine composition, which slips from one's bumhole with a certain amount of grace and panache.

mud wrestling n. A long and messy battle on the toilet, involving much grunting and groaning, which usually ends in either a fall or a submission.

Genghis Khant wrote:like an otter off the bank sim Phrase used to describe a turd of particularly fine composition, which slips from one's bumhole with a certain amount of grace and panache.

'For us it is a functional and mundane item - for you, ze basis of an entire culture...'

Prarie dog-similar to the first 2 inches are cold.

Back in college, I had a friend from the UK who used plenty of British slang and euphemisms, for which she was ruthlessly ridiculed by me (in a good-natured way). One day she said something about "I dropped a clanger today." On the island, of course, this means to say something incredibly embarrassing. A faux pas, if you will. To my sophomoric ears, it sounded like a perfect euphemism for taking a crap, and I have used it thusly ever since.

Some other favorites:
Drop the kids off at the pool v. To crap. "Could you hurry this up? I really gotta drop the kids off at the pool."

Lay cable v. To crap. "There I was, laying cable, when the guy in the next stall over made a noise like a beginning trombone player."

Drop a deuce v. To crap. From the children's habit of using No. 1 for urinating and No. 2 for defecating.

Drain the main vain v. To urinate.

Take the Browns to the Super Bowl v. To crap. Even funnier, since the Browns chances of making the championship in any given season is quite slim.

heavycola wrote:'For us it is a functional and mundane item - for you, ze basis of an entire culture...'

Blackadder Goes Forth. Big up Ade Edmundson.

motion sickness n. Nausea caused by doing a dump so foul & evil that it makes one gag.

difficult child n. One who, once dropped off at the pool, refuses to go into the water and clings to the side.

ASWAD 1.n. Lightweight 80's reggae band. 2. acronym. A Slash, Wank And Dump. A multi tasking visit to the khazi.

Obviously I'm just going for a gypsys

Water the garden v. To urinate, especially in public against a bush or hedge

Fertilise the ocean v. To take a dump

4.9% v. To urinate. From the term "Beer out = beer in - 4.9%"

Wash the china v. When someone has left streak marks all over the bowl, and you urinate them off

e_i_pi wrote:Wash the china v. When someone has left streak marks all over the bowl, and you urinate them off

pound the porcelain v. to go for a heavy dump, which probably will leave streak marks in the bowl.

Terms for "to urinate"

to wring the boa
to strangle the one-eyed snake


and one thing noone has mentioned yet at all:

to pray at the porcelain altar

This expression is used when someone has overestimated themselves and drunk too much, resulting in said person kneeling in front of the toilet bowl and throwing up.

MeDeFe wrote:to pray at the porcelain altar

This expression is used when someone has overestimated themselves and drunk too much, resulting in said person kneeling in front of the toilet bowl and throwing up.

Also calling out "OH GOD!" bleeeaaaargghh "OH GOD!" yuuuurk

I have heard it called "praying on the big white phone".
Also "calling for Huey".

jonesthecurl wrote:

MeDeFe wrote:to pray at the porcelain altar

This expression is used when someone has overestimated themselves and drunk too much, resulting in said person kneeling in front of the toilet bowl and throwing up.

Also calling out "OH GOD!" bleeeaaaargghh "OH GOD!" yuuuurk

I have heard it called "praying on the big white phone".
Also "calling for Huey".

Also "laughing at the grass"

jonesthecurl wrote:
MeDeFe wrote:
to pray at the porcelain altar

This expression is used when someone has overestimated themselves and drunk too much, resulting in said person kneeling in front of the toilet bowl and throwing up.



Also calling out "OH GOD!" bleeeaaaargghh "OH GOD!" yuuuurk

I have heard it called "praying on the big white phone".
Also "calling for Huey".

Also "laughing at the grass"

Synchronized hurling
When two or more people have overestimated their drinking prowess, and find themselves inspecting their lunch in unison.

What can Brown do for you?
From the UPS commercials featuring the phrase.