SHORT STORY -SEE NEW THREAD

[jiminski]

I decided finally I would have wanted to give everybody a vote but... no can do I also decided to try to do some advertising and posted it to my clan forum, lets see how many of them will hop in.

thank you Amazzony! I look forward to the next instalment!


this should be excellent and i think writing styles (in particular the way the passage ends) will adapt to whore out to the public!
heheh i know mine will - i shall be adding violence, swearing, sex (tastefully handled) and an irresistible cliff-hanger for the next one!

[Strider24]

Thanks for the link ZZ nice idea jiminski the writing is great and I think the more passages that are done the better it will get. I have voted and can't wait till the next installment.

[jiminski]

Ok peoples, i shall end the vote on Wednesday Morning-ish.

any opinions on the length people have to enter and then subsequently vote?
I left this one up for a while in order to give people a maximum chance to write and then read the very first passage.

Was it about correct or should i shorten the delays a little so people don't get bored?

[got tonkaed]

Ok peoples, i shall end the vote on Wednesday Morning-ish.

to be honest, i think we could use a little bit shorter intervals, at least in the early going while interest is likely to still be pretty high. Not much to be fair, but i think in this case we have a pretty good idea of the way the story is going, it might not be a bad idea to get next week up and running while a lot of people have been directed to the thread.

[jiminski]

Ok peoples, i shall end the vote on Wednesday Morning-ish.

to be honest, i think we could use a little bit shorter intervals, at least in the early going while interest is likely to still be pretty high. Not much to be fair, but i think in this case we have a pretty good idea of the way the story is going, it might not be a bad idea to get next week up and running while a lot of people have been directed to the thread.

haha you fast poster!

i was just asking that!

but i will leave it at Wednesday morning when the vote closes for this first one (it is only 1 more day in reality... maybe Tuesday evening, my time, if i am board tomorrow ; ) )

But i think too that it should be shorter in the future... maybe 4 days to enter and 3 days vote?
1 week for for each new passage, what do you think .. is that long enough?

(I will also PM all people who have posted in the thread so far to warn them that it is time for each phase.)

[got tonkaed]

ive sort of been going back and forth on it. I think its an idea that seems to get a decent amount of buzz, since we had quite a number of entrants first go round and a few more who said they would be interested. It seems like that would be a decent reason to go to the shorter time frame. I dont mind them being equal at something like 4/4 since voting probably is as important as submissions to be honest.

Either way though i think its probably something that would be reviewed from round to round. While its certainly not a bad thing to have a lower turnout for a round here and there (since there will probably be a decent number of them), you wouldnt want it to be something that happened for a few rounds or more (since there wont be too many of them -its a short story after all, not a novel)

But i think at least while interest is pretty high something like 4/3 probably is fine.

If only i wrote as fast as i posted eh.

[Frop]

I think you should give a full 7-8 days, preferably from Monday to Monday. Some people have more time during weekdays, others during the weekend. A full week should allow everybody to participate.

[jiminski]

Damn your lightning typing!

as i say, i will make a little mailing list to remind those who have shown interest that the next passage or vote is due. (giving the option to come off the list of course.) that should help a shorter time frame more workable.

[jiminski]

I think you should give a full 7-8 days, preferably from Monday to Monday. Some people have more time during weekdays, others during the weekend. A full week should allow everybody to participate.

So you happy with 7 days in total Fropper - 4 days to write 3 days to vote?

but do you and Tonk both think the vote should close tonight? we do have a clear leader in Fruit after all

[got tonkaed]

I think you should give a full 7-8 days, preferably from Monday to Monday. Some people have more time during weekdays, others during the weekend. A full week should allow everybody to participate.

So you happy with 7 days in total Fropper - 4 days to write 3 days to vote?

but do you and Tonk both think the vote should close tonight? we do have a clear leader in Fruit after all

I mean i have no problem personally letting it run an extra day, but i think at least this week its fairly clear that fruitcake has a decent percentage of the vote. While it isnt impossible that 5 or 6 people would all come vote for someone with a 3 on their name, it seems kind of unlikely given that the voting has already had a pretty high turnout in my view at least.

[Sackett58]

Don't let it go to long or people might lose interest.

[jiminski]

Don't let it go to long or people might lose interest.

heheh did you read the previous posts Sack?

Please be more specific Sacky-baby.

Shall i :- (based upon it being just after 12am Tuesday morning for me)
- close the vote tonight (declare Fruit the winner)
- give till Saturday Morning to enter the next passage
- and close the next vote on Monday evening/Tuesday Morning

?

[jiminski]

Congratulations Fruit!

Entry for Passage 2 is now open!

[jiminski]

Hello brothers and sisters of the quill,

Fruitcake just had a thought as to the basic development of this story thread.


He graciously offered to bow-out of the next Passage vote. This could be taken up as a precedent in that the winner each week is ineligible to submit for the next passage.

My interpretation of this possible rule change:
It would guard that more people get a chance to contribute to the story, thus perhaps securing a more diverse yarn.

That is a very positive aspect but I personally have strong reservations about not letting the winner contribute. (Hah! I had written them all down but I would rather have them confirmed or dispelled extraneously.)

Opinions please.

[The1exile]

If the winner won't contribute a passage then I think it would be good if they could at least give some pointers on how they suggest the story should continue - if only so we don't end up with completely divergent storylines.

[Fruitcake]

If the winner won't contribute a passage then I think it would be good if they could at least give some pointers on how they suggest the story should continue - if only so we don't end up with completely divergent storylines.

But that is the idea exile.

If the winner of one week doesn't then contribute to the next, and has no influence, then the storyline will take twists and turns according to the 'will of the people' and so this adds a frisson to the whole event. The storyline will be voted each week, and then, of course, the winner can re-enter the week following.

I have seen this done in quality Newspapers to great effect, it does work.

I am happy to add to my original passage, but truly feel it would be great to see what different 'takes' are made. Then it will prove more compelling to get back in and see where one can then take the storyline.

My original passage was a deliberate style. It opened the way for an infinite number of directions rather than being focussed. This weeks chosen passage will set the tone of the story, and I am happy to then follow whatever is chosen.

Lastly, I do think the contributions should increase in length so as to move the story on so to speak.

(mind you, I'm not sure what Dimitri Balinova would make of being told about the Cat found rogerring the budgerigar

[The1exile]

My original passage was a deliberate style. It opened the way for an infinite number of directions rather than being focussed. This weeks chosen passage will set the tone of the story, and I am happy to then follow whatever is chosen.

Fair enough - I would just be a bit worried that we'll start seeing Dmitri abducted by Jeremy's aliens in search of greater understanding of Jamie Briggs's research on the Queen Bitch Hive mind and being dumped through Balinova's window, and if it's not what you had in mind, some guidance could keep us (very roughly of course) on the right side of absurdity.

But the different takes idea is good enough for me too - and we'll see where the spirit takes the story!

[Fruitcake]

we'll start seeing Dmitri abducted by Jeremy's aliens in search of greater understanding of Jamie Briggs's research on the Queen Bitch Hive mind and being dumped through Balinova's window!

Wow...some storyline!

[jiminski]

exactly... each writer needs to follow their own nose.

now having thought about this for a while, (and under MandyB's firm yet tender guidance) i do think that Fruit should definitely write a next passage, if he wants to of course!

It may be that we decide not to vote on it but we should at the very least have his next passage to compare.
My instinct says that it should be included in the vote too, this should be the best story possible and the rest of us should answer the call to arms! (we can re-evaluate if home advantage proves too much and we end up with a Fruitcake novel serialised)

Now if Fruit does decide to write his next passage, it should not be made available until after admission closes. In this way we protect the independence of the other vying passages.



Regarding the suggestion to increase the length of passage; i am not over-happy with that idea.
I would like this to be a fun and easy gong excercise. Up to 220 words (maybe up to 250) means that writers can easily pop out a small contribution without it being a stress.. hehe I think some of our number already have writers block at the responsibility of carrying on anothers story.

Sure we do need to follow basic threads already laid out and we should refer to the characters etc. But let's flow into this and not be bogged down with slavishly replicating Fruits mindset.. *Jim shudders and throws another chinchilla on the furnace*

[got tonkaed]

“The initial findings seem to be inconclusive, but we are optimistic that we can still move forward,” Dymock started. His assistant nearly squirmed uncomfortably, until Dymock shot him a glare that suggested it would be the end of his job if he did.

“How so,” queried Balinova, who if nothing remained unconcerned. No matter what the results were he was not the type of man to be bullied by a PowerPoint. Dymock sensing this eased momentarily, realizing he might not be in such bad shape.

“The drug isn’t having consistent results within different populations. While in terms of initial effect we are still operating around 100% in nearly all populations, the rejection levels remain high. In Manchester, 7% of subjects are still rejecting, while abroad we are getting numbers as high as 13-15%.”

“That isn’t nearly enough progress, nor does it explain why we are getting the results we are outside of England,” Balinova stated with a quizzical look toward Dymock. Dymock considered breaking in but he realized it would be fruitless.

"We may have no choice but to pursue other strategies, Mr. Dymock. Figure out how to get results soon, or figure out how to forget the last year and a half of your life,” Balinova cautioned sternly. Dymock didn’t have to be told, he understood this from day one.

[jiminski]

Passage 2

Geoffrey slid forward in his seat, bowing his head as he did so. Fuckit! The movement dragged the gesture deeper than he’d intended.

“Good morning Mr Balinova, your journey was pleasant yesterday? No problems with customs I imagine!” Each word was slow and deliberate. He rounded them with a conspiratorial smile as his eyes settled on the waitress’ breasts. Mr. Balinova did not accept the invitation.

“Something to drink perhaps Dimitri!?” he polished his syllables further to ensure comprehension.

“I am biiizzy mian Meesta Dimic, pliz procid viz presentachun”
As he turned to the waitress, the Russian’s expression unfroze a degree,
“Nothing to drink for me thank you Gloria, that damn Chateaux Lafitte bloats me so!” His perfectly formed words looked square at the establishment which had trimmed them.

‘Gloria’ left them alone, steeling a last glance at his cobalt eyes as she closed the double doors. She left floating on a cloud of possibilities.
Cunt! Rally man, Rally! Oliver you are fucking fired!

“Shut the blinds please Oliver!” Geoffrey flashed an uncharacteristic smile at the downtrodden Assistant and Brief. I can be a man of the fucking people too.. bloody Bolsheviks!
“Thank you Oliver!” Another smile, Oliver began considering oversees job opportunities.

Dymocks flushed face now gratefully wore the mask of the darkened room. He flicked determinedly on his mousepad until all faces were twilight-lit by the glowing blue screen!

“If you look to the bottom left of the schematic Mr Balinova, you will se….” Bam!
The words were cut short by the crashing-open of the conference room doors!

[PLAYER57832]

Passage 2:
Dymock changed his scowl to a smile and, after a good long pause, looked up. “Got? ”, he repeated, “Nothing much .. Just the answer to all your dreams.”

Balinova paused a moment. Would this peon make the game interesting for a change?,He wondered to himself. It had been a while. Then again, if he was getting too big for himself .. that could be fun as well.

Balinova sat back and let an obviously insincere smile course his face. He looked around, checking that no one new had come into the room. The only one there was the waitress, who gave Balinova his usual, Mt Dew (no need for HIM to order!) And quickly left. Then he slowly turned to Dymock, “I’m ready to hear”, he said.

Dymock opened his laptop, turned the screen to Balinova, push a button and said just one name: “Daniel P. Pinkwater, the third”.

As Balinova watched the gyrating figures on the screen, he saw things that should have turned even his hardened stomache. Instead, he turned to Dymock, his smile sincere this time and said, “very good”, welcome to our team!

“Your official position will be in advertising, with a small office downstairs. Since I personally approve ALL advertising, you will occasionally have reason to meet with me. In a few days, you will find you have inherited a good deal of stock, a house in the Hamptons and a nice stipend from various offshore concerns. BUT, let me warn you ... you will have to occasionally produce some real advertising.”

“And,” Balinova leaned close, his face most definitely not smiling now, “I know gems like these,” he pointed at the screen, “are hard to come by. I am certainly not unreasonable. BUT, should I find you have let anything slip through your fingers, our relationship will end .. permanently!”

With that, Balinova took the disk and walked out of the room.

Dymock stared at the closed door, wondering if he the dreams he had just made come true would turn out to be his nightmare. Abruptly, he picked up his laptop and left. His assistant followed, brushing past the waitress as she came in to clean up.

It was time for everyone to get to work.

[william18]

Passage 2:


"We..well there se..seems to be a problem at the mi...mining station" stuttered Jeremy.
Balinova glared at Dymock fiercly, making him more nervous then he was.

" What problems?" asked Balinova sternly. Dymock started to shuffle his papers nervously.

"Well we were mining far de..deeper th..then we should of, approximatly 40,000 fee..feet. The something happened in the sta..station. We lost communication and we don't kn..know what happened. When we ra..ran a diagnostic on the bui..building, we discovered da..damage." Dymock lit a cigerrete to calm himself." But thats not all we found. Aside from the workers there, we gathered enough data to conclude there are other beings in there. Most likely terrorists have hijacked the plant, but we arn't sure. The readings are giving us some weird notions on the beings in their but I just assume it's a flaw."

Balinova had his elbows on the table, and was deep in thought."Im going to send in recon teams to observe the situation".

Dymock didn't think that was the best idea." I don't think that will do sir. There are dead civilians in there. And a large amount are probably held hostage. This isn't simple sir. I suggest sending in heavly armed teams".

Balinova gave Dymock a mildly niave look." Dymock, some unusual terrorists is nothing that a heavly armed squad should be involved in. A few untrained, and poorly equiped men can easily be wiped out be light infantry. They are human you know"

Dymock gave him a grim look. " I never said I was sure the intruders were human".

[jiminski]

Some really beautiful stuff in so far authors!

Fruitcake has already passed his passage onto me for safe-keeping.

[The1exile]

Fighting to keep his knees under control, Dymock got to his feet.

"Sir, what we've got is, I must say, not good."

The man clicked the remote on to the slideshow, flicking through the first few slides - mostly with graphs of recent stock changes on "dangerous" markets - though any dealings with Balinova were bound to be fraught with danger; you didn't get a reputation for being tougher than a bulldog shot full of morphine by playing it safe, not in this business. He considered saying something, but didn't; he wouldn't have anything to add to what was on screen that would help matters, and Balinova was smart enough to follow and powerful enough to be fully entitled to blow a gasket if he considered himself as a victim of patronisation.

"I see..." Balinova's voice was silky smooth.

"Sir, you must believe me, we had no idea!"

"And what do I pay you for then, Geoff?" the big man asked, fury rising in his eyes while his outward demeanour was the epitome of calm collectedness.

"There were unforeseen consequences..." Geoff muttered. He realised he was sweating like a pig, and hastily wiped his palms on his trousers. "We lost contact with our man in Berlin - I've got guys looking into it as we speak, but my hands are tied here, due to our... other problem."

Balinova shot him a look that spoke volumes. After a moments consideration, he nodded, and turned to his lackey-come-loogan.

"I think myself and Geoff will need a few moments to discuss confidential matters. Why don't you take our friend here," he nodded to Dymock's assistant, who had been silent and pale throughout, but now started, "and go for a little walk? I think we'll need 10 minutes. I'll call if needs be."

The lackey looked mildly uncertain, but considered his future career options and decided that arguing was not the best path to take.

Geoffrey, for his part, nodded to his assistant. "10 minutes," he muttered, "and you might want to call a cab."