Conquer Club

As you may know, I am a former Conqueror. As is my friendly cohort, demonfork. As was Genghis Khan, Alexander The Great yada yada you catch my drift.

Living in infamy is quite the task these days but I'll tell you what helps. Winning. Not like contracting AIDS Charlie Sheen type winning but actually winning games on Conquer Club.

In this thread, demonfork and I will generously provide you with all the strategic knowledge we withhold. For every map, every setting and any possibly conceived scenario.


Marvel as these methods once applied with consistency allow you to flourish. Watch in amazement as your wildest CC dreams become distant achievements.

Ex 1: Game 16670676

In demonfork's brilliant opening assessment of the game he team messages us promptly with, "2016-09-23 15:59:56 - demonfork [team]: we should try to focus on reducing the troop/territory count of team 2."

Then, my next roll I applied this forgotten method and BOOM. An instant and overwhelming effect had occurred where I overcame seemingly impossible disadvantages in position and in team troop count.


You'll notice a bonus tip in there with my follow up strategy for my team that leaked into the game chat, "2016-10-07 11:23:28 - King_Herpes: We need to work towards obtaining a bonus and collecting cards in order to gain bonus troops."

That's just a little something extra for you all to ponder on.

What should I do when I roll intensity cubes?

If you find yourself in a situation where you are unfamiliar with the various nuances of different game play options/map settings, it is best to stay calm and DO NOT PANIC!!

You should...

1. Always have a tall, cold & filtered glass of water ready. A nice cool glass of filtered water can help calm nerves in any situation.

2. Take your hand off of the mouse or touch pad and count back slowly starting from 10. The last thing you wan to do is make rash mouse clicks. This is a sure way to make an unrecoverable mistake and/or piss of your teammates.

3. Consider investing in a quality pair of blue-blocking glasses. Any type of potential strain on your eyes can cause unnecessary stress. A soothing pair of glasses that filter out harsh, irritating colors can be a great defense against unruly nerves.

4. TAKE YOUR TIME!!! Do not rush! Make sure that you have thought everything through. Ask yourself "Have I explored all options?" "Have I read all of the rules of the map" "Have I discussed all potential moves with my teammates"? Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day and Haste always makes waste.


My CC friends, calm nerves is the foundation for a solid strategy. Try following some of these suggestions and maybe one day you wont be complete losers and just maybe you might find yourself in possession of a nice shiny Conqueror medal.

Game 16670967
help!!! got stuck w/a buncha aoupcans on my team. what advice(if any) would you give me here???
oh, wait...

sorry, but I lost all respect for demonfork when he foed me because I kept beating him in speed games. And he also stalked me in game chats. I wish he had never bought me premium because that stopped me from hating him for a while.

I never wanted to believe the rumors that King Herpes was the one behind the demonfork account when he became Conqueror, but I must say I do now.

So I will not be taking notes on demonfork's advice, only on KH advice. And I will recommend you do the same.

nietzsche wrote:

ba, ha, ha!!! put him into C&A and let's see who wins. baseless accusations sullying the great name of one of our great Strategist on this site.
i am personally bookmarking this page and printing out each and every kernel of knowledge that is offered up!! now, to the matter at hand.
I NEED HELP!!! i have no idea about this map and this scallywag is soundly trouncing me!!

Game 16926369

HELP, KH!!! HELP!!! the black jesus has pleaded for help...-Bj

DoomYoshi wrote:What should I do when I roll intensity cubes?

A studious question that. Every once in a great while, Troops, DF and I will come across an exceptionally bright pupil that comes ready to learn and grow. The true beauty of a person's altruism lies in thier nature of knowing precisely when someone is prepared to recieve help. Not like answering to a desperate wailing for attention type help but something to where they might also become so elated with the response that they take something away from it forever. For when we recognize a potential underling we look for not mere talent within itself but enthusiastic talent. For this is the mark of a real deal, future Conqueror.

Hiya doing, Yoshi, first have you had any thoughts on us taking a blast of that one hitter or no way? Never got a response out of you there, it's been chilling in my glovebox when/if you're in the mood.


Now, as for satisfying this curiosity you're going to want to ease into the whole intensity cube roll thing. Allow your body to relax at the hip, breathe deeply and fully, feel the ground at your feet, taste that mostacciolli on your mustache again, visualize your goal but don't click on that mouse until you're good n' ready damnit. Remember these cubes do not own us, it's actually another way around. At the moment bigWham owns them, next year possibly some other guy. Okay? So it's being patient that wins over being pushful.

When you've found your bearings and you feel content in knowing that the cubes are somebody else's problem, they will begin to reward you more frequently. Might I add with a rapid increase when applying this technique. It's this constant casting of false ownership that shadows your luck not anything else. Once you understand this, literally the click is all in the hip my good man.

Even if you're normally just a 2 pump-chump, Yoshi, give her the hardest two pumps she's ever had. Her being the intensity cubes outcome or what have you.

I am living in infamy in GC these days, does that count?

riskllama wrote:I am living in infamy in GC these days, does that count?

We are only one person, llama as Nietzche so suspiciously pointed out. We do intend on answering all questions, no matter what type of complete loser they may or may not come from. Don't you understand altruism!?

I should probably be mad you called me a complete loser, right? does this mean I'm on another 24 hr friendship ban now, or what?

riskllama wrote:I should probably be mad you called me a complete loser, right? does this mean I'm on another 24 hr friendship ban now, or what?

Your next Friendship Ban will consist of a 72 HR penalty and there will be a next.

They're back.

riskllama wrote:I should probably be mad you called me a complete loser, right? does this mean I'm on another 24 hr friendship ban now, or what?

You should be mad at yourself for such ignoble sentence structure. You Llama risk being the first illiterate quadruped on CC.

yeah well, your pizza sucks.

riskllama wrote:yeah well, your pizza sucks.

hmmmm... what is "pizza" a euphemism for?-Bj

owenshooter wrote:

riskllama wrote:yeah well, your pizza sucks.

hmmmm... what is "pizza" a euphemism for?-Bj

Freud would have a field day with the sexually repressed zoophiliac posting so much jealous hate. Me thinks he was trying to write penis not pizza. Saying my penis sucks would be a bit like the male nightmare of a toothed vagina. Aggressive organs acting contrary to their normal actions. Poor kid, I think he needs more zinc and potassium in his diet. Would suggest a banana or oysters, but we don't want another Harambe on our souls do we? The silly sausage would try and wrestle a great ape for a banana, or it's banana depending on how tenuous is the day's grip on reality.

no, i honestly meant pizza.

demonfork wrote:If you find yourself in a situation where you are unfamiliar with the various nuances of different game play options/map settings, it is best to stay calm and DO NOT PANIC!!

You should...

1. Always have a tall, cold & filtered glass of water ready. A nice cool glass of filtered water can help calm nerves in any situation.

2. Take your hand off of the mouse or touch pad and count back slowly starting from 10. The last thing you wan to do is make rash mouse clicks. This is a sure way to make an unrecoverable mistake and/or piss of your teammates.

3. Consider investing in a quality pair of blue-blocking glasses. Any type of potential strain on your eyes can cause unnecessary stress. A soothing pair of glasses that filter out harsh, irritating colors can be a great defense against unruly nerves.

4. TAKE YOUR TIME!!! Do not rush! Make sure that you have thought everything through. Ask yourself "Have I explored all options?" "Have I read all of the rules of the map" "Have I discussed all potential moves with my teammates"? Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day and Haste always makes waste.


My CC friends, calm nerves is the foundation for a solid strategy. Try following some of these suggestions and maybe one day you wont be complete losers and just maybe you might find yourself in possession of a nice shiny Conqueror medal.

Damn good advice, actually.